ABOUT ME
I am Swapanthi
I am scared sometimes
Scared of what life is
Scared I’m not doing life right
Scared of what other people think of me, scared of judgement
Scared of what the future might hold
Scared of the dark
Scared of my own thoughts
I am scared sometimes
I know it seems unreasonable
But sometimes the imaginative part of my mind takes over and control my whole body
My every move becomes calculated
Are they laughing at me?
Are they going to take pictures of me and send it to their friends?
Are they going to talk about me behind my back?
Am I doing this right?
Then the logical side surfaces and says,
“Don’t worry, they aren’t even looking at you”
But the imaginative, dark side of my mind craves absolute power
And so it suppresses the logical, light side of my brain
Leaving me to believe what the dark side is telling me
That they’re watching me and judging me
The dark side tells me that I’m not smart enough
It tells me that I’m not good enough
It tells me that I’m not capable of it
It tells me that I can’t achieve my dreams and aspirations
I try not to believe it
Try to push the thoughts down
But even though the dark side of my mind tries its absolute best to keep the hopeful side down
The hopeful side tries equally as hard to fight to keep me happy and full of hope
The internal struggles causes me to have unpredictable moods
But eventually, the light side of my mind wins out and defeats the dark
Most times, the hopeful side has some help
Help from the cavalry that is me writing down my emotions in an attempt to expel the dark, unforgiving thoughts from my head
Fortunately, this works all the time, leaving me without the demons in my mind
As a result of this tried, tested and true method
I can successfully exorcise the evil that likes to make a comfortable in my head
I can get past my fears
I can face my fears and crush them
I am scared sometimes
Scared of what life is
Scared I’m not doing life right
Scared of what other people think of me, scared of judgement
Scared of what the future might hold
Scared of the dark
Scared of my own thoughts
I am scared sometimes
But I don’t let that fear control me
I am Swapanthi
Dear Swapanthi,
First off, let’s get the beauty of this blog recognized. The swelling ink cloud is stunning, creating this calming flow that matches your words.
The inverse structure of this piece is so clever, starting and ending with the “i am scared stanzas” book-ended with “I am Swapanthi”. It is has fantastic structure. It brings the reader through your fear to the war of the brains and back again. The change in structure in the final ‘scared’ paragraph is a powerful mantra for the future.
To improve, I would recommend watching the punctuation on the ends of your lines. I totally realize it can be a style choice, but I also know it can be a problem for markers. If a line is cut off at the end where a comma could go, I recommend putting one there. Unless you feel it completely throws off your flow.
I can’t wait to see more from you this class. I haven’t interacted much with your writing, and I need to make up for lost time.
Sincerely,
Claire
Dear Swapanthi,
First of all, I really love the theme of your blog! It is really majestic and calming. Second of all, your quote, “Not all who wander are lost.”, is so simple yet so powerful. In my life, I’ve always consisdered myself lost. The reason for this is because all around me, everyone seemed to have a known destination. Now, with this quote it has helped me realize there are people in the world who want to walk around aimlessely, just for the joy of it.
To improve, I would recommend using punctuation even if it’s just a period or comma. Without it, it throws the reader off a bit.
Lastly, while reading this again, it sounds as if you are talking to somebody. To elaborate, it sounds like you’re in an environment, like therapy, and the therapist is asking you questions about yourself. And we see this tug of war in your mind, when you use the words, “the logical side” ,”the dark side”, “the hopeful side and at the end you realize who you are at the end of the session. This is seen in, ‘I am scared sometimes. But I don’t let that fear control me. I am Swapanthi” This last phrase is absolutely beautiful.
Eunice✞
Dear Swapanthi,
Really lovely job with this piece, I love how you talked about the dark that you have and how you deal with it, and the happiness and light contrast it was beautiful and with the smoke in the background it really made a very nice mood.
If i had to give some critique I would say maybe talk more about other aspects of you, things you like and your interests and other things and I feel like I would just like to get to know you better you know? But like don’t worry about it, this piece is great as it is and I’m honored I got to see this aspect of your personality.
Sincerely,
Iqra
Dear Swapanthi,
I love the aesthetic of your blog! The way the ink bursts and the colours really are beautiful and mesmerizing. I also love your title and quote as these fit the ink swells very well. The writing itself was also beautiful and personal as it incorporated your deepest thoughts. The way you stylized the format is also very effective and helps the piece flow.
To improve I would suggest proofreading a bit beforehand. There were a few punctuation mistakes.
Other than that I loved this piece and can not wait to read more from you in the future.
Love,
Zabu-E
Dear Claire, Eunice, Iqra and Zabu-E,
Thank you so much for commenting on my blog! I really appreciate your feedback and hearing what I did correctly and what I need to fix.
I also understand that the main thing I need to improve upon for next time is the proper use of punctuation. I will make sure to make a conscious effort for next time.
Regards,
Swapanthi